If you looked inside my ears
With your special doctor flashlight,
You would take a step back,
Hold your stethoscope against my chest,
And I would watch your eyes widen
Like dinner plates –
Right before my eyes closed
And the happiness
Or the sadness
(Well, both)
Began to
Choke
Me.
The ceiling is telling me
That I am unraveling.
Yes, I’m falling apart, out, into.
There are moments when everything drops.
Moments when something sits on top of my chest,
Gauging out my happiness with a dull blade.
I can feel its feet on my heart.
Tell the ceiling to shut up.
I’m trying to sleep off the pain.
My ceiling is telling me
That I am alone.
And so are my hands — they are cold.
The needles behind my face are insisting
Upon breaking and crinkling
Until you can’t see my eyes anymore.
Where?
I’m so alone.
All of a sudden every door slammed shut.
Every window smashed my fingers.
Every home ran away and
Every tear found its way into my eyes.
The walls are bleeding ice.
I lit my hands on fire.
Just take the pain away, please.
Take the pain away.
Palm painting is when
The feelings turn into colors
On my fingertips and
Mostly it’s red because
That’s the color of me.
Palm painting is when
I’m nervous and my chest
Feels like it’s being swirled
Into some massive galaxy
But there’s only a tiny space
For the stars to implode.
Palm painting is when
The lines blend into faces and
The faces blend into lines
And I remember the pictures
That are stuck in my head
And are screaming
To be let out.
I’ve always wondered if photographs
Could break the glass that holds their story.
But I know the answer, because
They leap into my heart and
Swim out of my eyes.
But they don’t ever leave.
And just when capacity hits,
Something else crawls helplessly in.
And I give it a drink and a blanket,
Food, a home,
My heart –
And
It
Paints
My
Palms.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you –
What would you do if I told you I loved you?
What would you say? Would you kick her off your lap?
Would you smile and kiss me on the cheek?
Would you love me the way I want it to be?
Would you hold my hand in yours?
Oh, I would hope that you would hope that I would love you,
But somethings tells me that you’ll never know.
Why don’t you love me when we’re so much like each other?
Why don’t you love me when I think we need each other?
Why do you insist on kicking all my dreams
Until they’re lying, dying, crying on the floor?
Your eyes, your face, that smile you have when
You are thinking something secret –
That’s the face I want to see every second of the day.
I want to see your lovely dimples, like the sun’s brightest ray.
I want to kiss you on the cheek and I want you to say
That the sparkle in your heart matches the heartbeat in my eye.
So why do I put “just” at the beginning of my statements?
Because I want everything from you. There will be no limits
If you love me, really love me and don’t ignore me when I call
And tell me why you think I’m worth it if I’m worth it at all.
Because I want to be your other half and mend your broken head
And I want you to love me enough to crawl into my bed
But not for sex, just for love, just for love and nothing else.
I want to fall asleep in your arms.
I just want to be loved.
Come save me from this
Lonely house.
Pick me up in your car and
Drive me away.
Somewhere, anywhere, as long
As I’m with you.
Drive me into the depths of the ocean
Where our hair will float around us
And we’ll sing with bubbles of salty laughter.
I can’t swim.
How can so many things fly around in one mind all at once?
How can tiny sparks of electricity create such sadness?
Such happiness? And I’m waiting for his reply, by the way.
I’ve decided that I will probably love him forever.
I wish he would love me, too. But he forgets, all the time.
He forgets to try to love me especially during the storms
That flare on the nights that he takes a step into amnesia.
And that reminds me of my deeply coveted fantasy world –
Coveted by reality, that is. Rainstorms are possibly the
Most beautiful things in the world, are they not? Storms
Amaze me in the way they bring people together. So
Wouldn’t it be nice if he could
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
In the rain?
Hold me while we laughed and cried about
All the things we’ve been through,
All the late nights and dark thoughts,
The comfort and the betrayal?
But no, he will always hold something else.
He has an excuse,
But it’s not the real reason.
The real reason is…
Well,
I’m
Just
Me.
